I Know I Know I Know
by RockingTheGraveyard
Summary: "I know you, Mako." Bolin's hands were on Mako's shoulders, he couldn't help feeling a little trapped.


The moment he steps through the door, Mako tosses his jacket to the couch and musses up his slicked back hair. Not for the first time he had wondered if Bolin and himself were appropriately dressed. Were their colors dull enough? Should Mako have bought something just for this? He didn't know, neither of them have ever been to a funeral before. Not even for their parents.

The funeral had been for a cop, Jin. And for never having been to one before, the funeral was pretty much exactly how he expected. Mako glanced at his feet at Pabu's chittering as he ran and scurried up Bolin's leg.

"Hey buddy" Bolin said with a huge sigh. Mako couldn't tell if it was relief or exhaustion. "Sorry Pabs, that was way longer than I had thought it'd be-" he sniffled as he leaned against Pabu as he nuzzled against Bolin's cheek "-and sadder." Bolin cried.Of course he did. Bolin had met Jin and they had both hit it off right away.Of course they did. They were both social, warm and kind.

"Stop that." Bolin said, slapping Mako's hand down. Idly he had been picking at the scab on his lip again. Another cop, Lo, had offered to heal up the small scraps and bruises that the hospital didn't bother with. Mako politely turned down the offer. He'd heal fine on his own.

"Alright! I'll start dinner!"

"No-ope." When Bolin had moved out, Mako surrendered to the fact that Bolin could do what he wanted in his kitchen. But after they got over their whole stupid fight and both decided to rent a new place together. Mako not verbally agreeing that it was too quiet living alone. Mako was back to banning his brother from his kitchen. "I'll cook, what do you want? We don't have much, we really need to go shopping soon."

"Oh come on Mako,-" Bolin quickly stepped in and blocked his path "-let me help."

"And let hurricane Bo destroy the kitchen, no thanks." Mako chuckled, and made to step pass Bolin but was stopped when his brother grabbed his wrist.

"I don't just mean with dinner." It was then Mako realized that Bolin hadn't smiled all day. Bolin sighed and shifted, his fingers fidgeted with Mako's sleeve. It wasn't often that Bolin didn't just blurt out whatever he wanted to say to Mako but he wasn't going to push, not today. Mako pulled his hand away and ruffled Bolin's hair and that was that. Only whatever Bolin had to say wasn't going to be brushed aside apparently, as he moved his head away from Mako's hand.

"I didn't go to the funeral for Jin!" Bolin nearly shouted, freezing Mako in place. Bolin grimaced as he began fidging his fingers and looked down. "I mean I liked Jin, he was really nice and I really am sorry he's gone." Bolin looked up with a strange look of sad determination in his eyes. "I wanted to be there for you. Mako-" Bolin stepped closer and Mako resisted stepping back "-he was your partner."

Mako didn't know his mouth was even open until it snapped should audibly. He held still for a moment, just staring at his brother before he took a deep breath and forced the tension from his body. He smiled as reassuringly as he could, ready to comfort his brother, to assure him that he was fine. But Bolin cut him off.

"I know you, Mako." Bolin's hands were on Mako's shoulders, he couldn't help feeling a little trapped. "You didn't say anything at the funeral. And I don't mean a speech or anything like that." His grip tightened and Mako began to chew on his lip. "I mean you didn't say anything at all. I know what's going on Mako, you can't hide it from me."

Mako wanted to protest that nothing was going on, that he wasn't doing anything. He's never been to a funeral before. Bolin knows that. Mako couldn't even fathom what he was supposed to say, he's never been good at talking. Heknows that. Bolin's face looks hurt now and it churns his gut and makes him feel guilty. When Bolin slides his hands to Mako's face, cupping his cheeks, a lump settles in his throat.

"I know you were hurt but ... it's not like when we were kids. You don't have to shut it all out." Bolin's callous thumbs brushed over his cheek. His palms a warm pressure on his face yet so gentle and mindful of his bruised cheek. "Mako … You're allowed to feel."

Mako's breath hitched. He didn't say anything, didn't know if he even could. He wanted to pull away and comfort his distressed little brother the way he always has done. To put back up the walls Bolin had so easily pushed through. Mako wanted to shove it all down, it's what was familiar, what was easy. All his contaminants were cracked and yet they still held firm.

He felt like he was stuck in an emotional limbo. Already too shut off and yet feeling too much at the same time. So he just stood there. Bolin didn't push further, he wrapped his arms around Mako. His fingers combed through Mako's hair like Mako had done so many times before for him. And Mako allowed his face to be guided to Bolin's shoulder. And there they stood, little brother holding his older as his breath hitched and rasped. Breathing shallow and uneven but Mako still didn't cry. He wasn't sure he actually knew how to anymore.

Mentally, he couldn't stop scolding himself. Mako stood too long in Bolin's warm and comforting embrace. Breathing like a damn rat-dog, bred with it's snout too short. He was the oldest, Bolin's guardian, he couldn't be burdening him like this. "Fuck" he hissed, like he did every time he slipped and Bolin had to catch him. Mako tried to pull away.

"Nope" Bolin tightened his grip on him, shoved Mako's face back into his shoulder. "No, no, not this time. You're gonna let me help you whether you like it or not." For a moment he just let his protests be muffle by Bolin's shoulder until his little brother shifted his arms lower and lifted Mako off his feet.

"Bo wha- Put me down."

"Nope!"

"I'm not a fuckin child Bo, I'm serious."

"I know you're not and so am I." Bolin marched right to Mako's room, Mako squirming all the way before he was dropped onto the mattress. "See, I also know it's been days since you've had any rest." Mako rolled his eyes and propped himself up, ready to get right back off the bed until Bolin practically body slammed him back down.

"Bolin" Mako growled, ready to push his brother right off the bed but he didn't. He was just too tired and he hated how that proved Bolin right. And he hated how he got a great sense of comfort from Bolin clinging to him like the Koala-puss that could be fished out of the bay. Bolin sniffed, burying his face into Mako's chest. He ignored the dampness on his shirt.

"I thought you wanted dinner." Mako tried to argue.

"Sleep first, the twenty-four dumpling stand later." Bolin mumbled back and they both fell silent. Mako had worried Bolin, even despite this whole situation, he could see it in the bags under his eyes. His fingers carted through Bolin's hair and the tension left little brother, who scooted to the side so he wasn't completely smothering Mako. It was a sign he'd given in.

"I'm sorry."

"I know, you don't have to be, but I know."

"... Sorry."

"You know, we're not kids anymore" Bolin sniffed "I'm your brother Mako. I'm not your son." Mako knows but he doesn't say anything. Bolin would have a thousand examples ready, it was pointless to argue it. "You can lean on me when you need to, Mako. You always could have." He knows, he always has.


End file.
